Move In/Sale On

Well dad is now at the Gardens. He of course is hating, but that is to be expected as no one would want to give up all their freedoms. One thing he is having the hardest time giving up is drinking. I am pleading with his friends that are following this blog to not allow him to drink when he is with you. While he is continuing to do this the medication he is on is worthless. This has become the single biggest struggle for me as his son. I do not believe that he will quit on his own and we cannot talk about it as it leads to an argument every time. I am only telling this to everyone as I do not know how else to tell this to his friends without making 30 or 40 phone calls. Unfortunately like most people will tell when going through a time like this it is the care giver that gets the brunt of the anger and rudeness. My relationship with him is deteriorating each week, but I am trying my best to do the best thing for him. I do appreciate all the suggestions from all of you, but to be honest after battling this for 4+ months now I am starting to run out of gas. I know that many of you have questions and call me to ask what you can do. As for answers to many of the questions I don't have them. And as for what you can do for me or for my dad is pray, call him, and visit.

This weekend we had the estate/yard sale. It went really well as we sold most everything. The rest is going to the Salvation Army. Of course he did not want anything sold, but due to the life he was living and going undiagnosed for a long period of time we had no choice.

I will continue to update this blog as I get time. I have started a new job at Kennestone hospital as the Program Manager for the Total Joint, Spine and Stroke Programs. I am busier than I have ever been, which is great. God has blessed me tremendously during this difficult time. If you have questions please e-mail or leave a comment and I will respond when I can and if I can. Thank you all for your much needed prayers.

Moving Day!

All,

I now have a date for moving my father. He is going to be moving to his new home on Sunday February 15th. I know that this is going to be rough for him, but it is for the best. I am excited that he will finally get the help he needs and hopefully this will help him from getting any worse for a while. There is good chance that this move will help to slow the dementia for a little while. He will no longer have his home phone number so you will have to call his cell, which if he has called you in the last 6 months it has probably been on the cell. Once he gets settled in to the new place I will post some pictures and let you know how he is handling the change. As always if you have questions, comments or concerns please feel free to post them here in the comments section.

There's no place like home...

Yesterday (Thursday, Jan 22), I took my dad to see an assisted living facility. This is the first time that we have visited a place like this, so I was a little unsure how it would go. I took a couple of his friends with me when I went to visit Saturday, and we were all under the impression that it was a good place and that it could work. Without getting to deep into his financial situation this place was the best for his money.



Now for the more emotional part of the visit. I knew he did not want to go, but unfortunately these days he is having to do a lot of things he does not want to do. The place is called The Gardens at Sandy Springs. He is a link to their website: http://www.emeritus.com/locations/Show-Community.aspx/Gardens-at-Sandy-Springs,-The. When we went into meet with the director, Wendy, I could tell my dad was not in good spirits. His hands were shaking and he did want to look up too much. After Wendy explained to him the concept of The Gardens she asked "How do you feel about this honestly?" He responded "It saddens me, the whole thing just saddens me." He went on to talk about how this is the last thing that he wants to do, and that he would much prefer to stay in his house. We told him that we would like for him to move in at the end of the month, he asked that we give him more time. So we are aiming to move him in during the middle of February.



This is certainly not an easy time for him or me. But we are getting through this as best we can. I know that many of you have asked if there is anything that you can do to help. Well that time is approaching. Soon we will be moving his stuff from the house to the new "house." While I will need help moving I have most of that already covered. The major areas that I will need help with are: selling his furniture, painting the house, fixing the yard, and selling his house. This will not be an easy or quick task, but I know that with small steps and calculated moves we can get this done. As I get closer to moving and selling I will let you all know specifically what we need help with and when we need the help. Thank you all for the prayers and kind words.



THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: any of you can do is to call him and talk to him. Encourage him and lend an ear to his much needed voice. I know that he is so grateful to have all of his friends that care so much for him. Please continue to be the great friends you have been over the years. If you need anything from me, please feel free to leave a comment here on the blog. Just click the comment bar at the bottom. Thank you all, and have a great weekend.

Appointments/Disappointments

To all those that have been praying for me and my father it is much appreciated. Tuesday went as well as could be expected. No one likes to get the news that they cannot drive any more nor can the live independently. This is what was made offical to my dad on Tuesday. He was very upset of course by this news. However, I am glad that I prepared him for this on Saturday and that he finally understood his did have a disease. As the news was being told to him he kept his head down and I could tell he was feeling very defeated. It was hard to look at him when they were telling him the news. All our lives we look to our parents, especially sons and fathers, for confidence and strength. For the first time in my life I am witnessing my dad not have that strength and confidence. This is also the first time either of can't say to the other it is going to be okay. We don't know what the future holds, but we are both going to give it our best shot to win (whatever that looks like).

The next step is finding him a place to move. He needs someone to watch after him to make sure that he is taking his medication right, exercising, and eating a balance meal. Please pray that during the next few weeks we find a place that will accept him. Hopefully I will have something to report soon. Thank you all once agian for the prayers and offers of help.

Reality Sets In

Yesterday (Saturday, Jan. 10th) I realized for the first time that my dad did not understand what was going on with him. He has told everyone that he understands, but yesterday showed he didn't. He told me that the assessment lady (Lacy) could help us negoiate his bills and that is why we hired her. He did not understand that we hired her to help us with assessing his situation and to help us with options. Yesterday was the first time during this process that I saw my dad truly down, which broke my heart. He is always the life of the party and telling jokes. I think now his jokes are coming to an end. I am not looking forward to Tuesday, but I have already broken some of the news to him.

The news: He thought the whole time I was talking about moving I was talking about him moving to a different house. He believed that what he needed was a cheaper place to stay. When I told him about an independnet living facility his response was "I don't need one of those. I'm not that bad." When I explained that he had not been paying his bills right and that he was not taking his medication correctly he just sat there. The the reality set in "My whole life is changing." I understand why he does not want to leave. His ham radio is here, the lake we love to fish, his remote control airplanes and his TV. I saw this hawk in the tree when I pulled up today and thought to myself this is one more reason why he does not want to leave.

Thank you all for praying for me and my father during this time. God willing we can get him the help he needs and he will agree to all the recommendations.

Momentum?

So next week is a big week. On Tuesday we will have a meeting with the assessment lady (Lacy) and his doctor (Dr. Waldrop). This is the meeting where Lacy will share her findings with him. Lacy and I have already talked over the phone. She is going to tell him that he should no longer drive. This is not because he should not now, but to prevent an accident. As the dementia gets worse the likelyhood for disaster increases. She is also going to share with him that it would be best if he were to move out of his current home into an independent living facility. These places have the one stop shop. As his disease progresses he can have access to Assisted Living and eventually Nursing home care without having to move.

This will be very difficult for him and for me as well. It is hard to watch someone loose their freedoms due to events that are out of their control. He will not want to do anything that is suggested because right now in this moment he does not neccessarily need this kind of care. However, it is easy for all involved to get him into a good position now so that when care is needed we are not having to fight him in an altered state of mind.

For those that are concerned that this might be too much or that this is too soon, this is for the best. In the independent living facility they have activities that could help him with his demitia and possably help slow the progression of it through exercise and classes. Also they can help monitor his medicines. This is something that is vital and something that I cannot do from my house. They can also get him on an exercise program! Despite the constant talks about this he is still not exercising like he should.

Please pray for next Tuesday (Jan 13) that the meeting goes well and that he is able to understand that we are doing this because it is what is best for him.

The Holiday's

Thanksgiving was great. My girlfriend and her sister's family were nice enough to have my father, mother and me over for dinner. (And my parents got along!!!). Nothing was too eventful, but it was memorable.

A few weekends after Thanksgiving (December 13th) I had to take my dad back into the ED. He was having another spell/attack. Our conversation over the phone was not great. I knew that something was wrong. After driving up to his house his gate (the way he walks) was not right. He was stumbling and not really sure of his surrounds. After 6 hours in the ED they found nothing and told me it was probably just the dementia.

Christmas in Knoxville! I drove my dad up to see his brother and his family. It was good to see my Aunt and Uncle. I was worried about this trip, because people with dementia can sometimes have problems in unfamiliar places especially at night. He did not have any attacks and it was an all around great trip.

In my next post I should have more information on his future. I am getting results back from a gereatric case manager. These are people who can help make recommendations on when to move someone to a home, what kind of assistance is needed, etc. I hope you all have a great new year.